“If this has become such a pain for you, let’s just end it.”
He said firmly, with an exhausted voice that had once again went hoarse from all the arguments. With dead eyes, he turned and started to leave. It wasn’t the first time we had fought, although, it was the first time the idea of a break up has ever been brought up. This was serious. I can still feel myself trembling and my heart beating fast. With an attempt to calm myself down, I thought of the trigger to this argument. Time. We were not spending enough time with each other.
We started out as a young pair of students. Since we could see each other in school, time was not much of an issue. We had opportunities to dine together on the days where our breaks overlapped. The others, we spent it with our own group of friends. We were paying equal attention to both sides. Everyone around us were satisfied with our arrangement and felt happy for us. I could tell, we had their blessings and understandings. It was a healthy relationship. We were a balanced couple.
Eventually we grew out of the honeymoon stage of our relationship, and that eventually turned into endless bickering and anger. In addition to that, we graduated from the stage of ‘education’ and proceed into the ‘work’ stage. New commitments were added into our lives. We, who pursued in different fields were met with different types of paths. The thing we had in common started to run low. Our schedules no longer overlap. The time spent with each other had also decreased. The scale has been tilted.
Even though I wanted to wrap my arms tightly around you, and utter the words “don’t leave,” but my pride will not loosen its own grip around me. It is tying itself around my tongue, disabling my ability to speak. The only words that flow out leaks of dishonesty, just sentences that I will regret soon afterwards. It hurts. It does. I wanted to hold you back, but I am not doing so. It is choking me, as I am rooted to the ground. Simply staring at your silhouette as it slowly disappears from my sight. Wait why is it gone so quick? I ran my hands through my head in frustration, letting out a grunt. Tears making their way up the brim of my eyes.
This was not the happy ending we had in mind.
The debate from here on is whether to continue this relationship. It seems futile at this point. The number of quarrels we had over the past week is a record. Despite that, we are still in love. But are we because of what we had, or what we have? The ability to cut this off lies with me. He handed me the scissors, making it my rights to make a choice. I do not want to lose him. But now, is this a relationship able to be saved? The passion had run low, what we are doing now is simply performing our roles in this relationship. What should we do? We had gotten too used to each other, nothing excites the other. We had explored the positive aspects of another, now we had moved into the negative sides. That’s the saddest point, and we reached it.
Will the love between us spark another passionate relationship, or will it once again die down into an abyss of pain? No one can tell, but it is clearly a risk to continue it at this point. I looked towards the direction in which he disappeared. With eyes losing focus, I took a deep breath, and swallowed the urge to cry.
Simply uttering, “I’m sorry. Thank you.”